No longer did I have the boundless energy of my 20’s, so much time in front of me, hungry and absorbing everything.
No longer did I feel the urgency of my 30’s, so much to be, to do, and to have, collecting it all, like it was about to disappear.
Somewhere around 40, when I had experienced a bit of everything this world had to offer, and I was able to sit still long enough, I sensed an emptiness.
I wanted more but I didn’t know what “more” was. I wore myself out trying to solve that riddle outside of myself. Exhausted and out of balance, I realized I had been consuming far too much of this world and creating far too little in it.
I had everything, yet I remained unfulfilled.
The beauty of midlife is, we finally become wise, we catch up to our years and realize how fast time moves. All those years that I denied gifts buried deep in my bones, chasing after what?
These gifts gently tugged at me in the quiet moments, I put them off until tomorrow…I didn’t look inward at or leave much room for them, in pursuit of some fleeting “external” self.
It is only now, that I realize I must take time.
Time for meditation. Time to create food with love. Time to create space to practice sacred sexuality with my partner. Time to create something that touches others. Time to feel my bones settle in. Time to look inward.
In my forties, I choose to create vs. consume.
© corrina, 2017